This week started off with a lot of shocking news. One of my best
friends, who I've become very close to in the past year, has tumors that
may be cancerous. She's only 22, beautiful, extremely smart, and a
great writer. And she's been like a big sister to me since I met her in
freshman year. I have personal experience with what cancer does to
people -- I watched my grandfather slowly die of tongue cancer four
years ago. I dread the possibility of watching that again, and I'm
terrified of losing her.
The past few weeks I've been
shutting down emotionally and physically. I am by nature a very
emotional person. I was one of those lucky people born to parents who
told me it was okay to express how I felt and that crying was not weak.
But lately, after a string of disappointments and bad news, I haven't
been able to cry. I haven't been able to react as I'm accustomed to
reacting. I'm not intentionally suppressing anything. I just don't have
to strength to cry anymore. I don't have the strength to do anything.
I
don't know where my fitness and diet goals factor into all of this. I
haven't binged, and don't crave food in large quantities. But focusing
on tracking and working out seems superficial next to everything else I
have to deal with right now -- school, my job, and my friend's illness
to name a few. I will continue to blog, since I think it will help me to
vent and get out of this emotional lethargy my brain has pushed me
into. But I won't be pushing the diet and fitness thing too hard at the
moment. There's a lot I have to deal with before that can be a part of
my daily routine again.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
I be rockin' them BEATS!
I just got a pair of Beats by Dr. Dre from Best Buy the other day in my favorite color, PINK!!!! :)
Believe the hype, folks. These headphones are pretty awesome. If you're like me and you've been using those little Apple earbuds for years and haven't gone the expensive route with headphones, these are worth the investment. They're not perfect and sound best with rap, hip-hop, and some techno, but they're a HUGE jump from the way I listened to music before, and I'm having a blast with them.
Tomorrow I'm restarting the Couch to 5k, and I'm going to give intuitive eating a try. I'll eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. It sounds simple, but if you are or have ever been a chronic overeater you know that it's very difficult. I've had my calorie target for so long now I have a pretty good idea of how much I can eat without overdoing it. I think this method will be a little less stressful and time consuming for me since I won't have to worry about measuring or tracking, and can just focus on getting in the right kinds of foods in the right amounts. If it's not working out after a week or two, I'll go back to tracking since I know that works well for me.
Believe the hype, folks. These headphones are pretty awesome. If you're like me and you've been using those little Apple earbuds for years and haven't gone the expensive route with headphones, these are worth the investment. They're not perfect and sound best with rap, hip-hop, and some techno, but they're a HUGE jump from the way I listened to music before, and I'm having a blast with them.
Tomorrow I'm restarting the Couch to 5k, and I'm going to give intuitive eating a try. I'll eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. It sounds simple, but if you are or have ever been a chronic overeater you know that it's very difficult. I've had my calorie target for so long now I have a pretty good idea of how much I can eat without overdoing it. I think this method will be a little less stressful and time consuming for me since I won't have to worry about measuring or tracking, and can just focus on getting in the right kinds of foods in the right amounts. If it's not working out after a week or two, I'll go back to tracking since I know that works well for me.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
The Art of Procrastination
I wanted to post this a few days ago, but I procrastinated so much I didn't get around to it until this morning. xP
I have serious issues with procrastination. The other day, I pulled an all nighter to finish TWO late papers. I never get anything done on time, and I never do anything I say I'm going to do. It's probably why this latest weight loss endeavor isn't moving in the right direction.
It's just too easy to procrastinate when it comes to working out. I'll spend most of the day in my school cafeteria, determined to workout at a designated time and head across the street to the gym. But then friends meet me in the cafeteria and we strike up a conversation. Everyone eats, and I follow suit. I start craving a milkshake and blow my calorie goal out the water. Before I know it it's time for class, and I'm too full and tired to even think about exercising.
I know it's bad. I know it has to change. I know I need to deal with my stress instead of just eating it. I would have so much more energy if I could keep up with my exercise routine, but right now I'm so bloated and lethargic all the time I don't feel like bothering to make the attempt.
I'm going to get as much of my work done as I can during the next two days and the weekend. Then next week, I'm restarting the Couch to 5k. I've been away from it too long to jump back into Week 2. Now more than ever I'm really grateful for this blog. Knowing I have to answer to all of you for the decisions I make in my weight loss/body confidence journey has been the perfect little push to keep going, even during moments like these when I've stumbled. :)
I have serious issues with procrastination. The other day, I pulled an all nighter to finish TWO late papers. I never get anything done on time, and I never do anything I say I'm going to do. It's probably why this latest weight loss endeavor isn't moving in the right direction.
It's just too easy to procrastinate when it comes to working out. I'll spend most of the day in my school cafeteria, determined to workout at a designated time and head across the street to the gym. But then friends meet me in the cafeteria and we strike up a conversation. Everyone eats, and I follow suit. I start craving a milkshake and blow my calorie goal out the water. Before I know it it's time for class, and I'm too full and tired to even think about exercising.
I know it's bad. I know it has to change. I know I need to deal with my stress instead of just eating it. I would have so much more energy if I could keep up with my exercise routine, but right now I'm so bloated and lethargic all the time I don't feel like bothering to make the attempt.
I'm going to get as much of my work done as I can during the next two days and the weekend. Then next week, I'm restarting the Couch to 5k. I've been away from it too long to jump back into Week 2. Now more than ever I'm really grateful for this blog. Knowing I have to answer to all of you for the decisions I make in my weight loss/body confidence journey has been the perfect little push to keep going, even during moments like these when I've stumbled. :)
Saturday, February 25, 2012
My Sacrifice for Lent and Why I've Been So Busy
Hi everyone! Long time no see!
So, you probably didn't know this about me, but I'm Catholic, and have been my whole life. It's not something I feel the need to shout from the rooftops or force on other people, but it is a big part of my personal life. And for Lent, the 40 days before Easter, I've decided to give up Facebook.
This is going to be extremely difficult. I am a Facebook ADDICT -- on there all day, everyday, making two or three statuses per day, plus liking and commenting on other people's stuff. I already feel strange being on my internet browser and not opening up the page. Let's see how long I can keep this up...
I also wanted to apologize for my sporadic blogging. During the week, I go to school from early in the morning to late in the afternoon or at night, and in the evenings and on weekends I work. So I haven't had much free time to worry about eating right or exercising, much less blogging about them. I do intend to do better starting next week. I made a program I can stick to and I'm not giving it up. I am DETERMINED to finish Couch to 5k, even if I have to repeat weeks along the way. I'll talk to you all soon, and don't forget to put your ideas for future blog posts in the comments! :)
So, you probably didn't know this about me, but I'm Catholic, and have been my whole life. It's not something I feel the need to shout from the rooftops or force on other people, but it is a big part of my personal life. And for Lent, the 40 days before Easter, I've decided to give up Facebook.
This is going to be extremely difficult. I am a Facebook ADDICT -- on there all day, everyday, making two or three statuses per day, plus liking and commenting on other people's stuff. I already feel strange being on my internet browser and not opening up the page. Let's see how long I can keep this up...
I also wanted to apologize for my sporadic blogging. During the week, I go to school from early in the morning to late in the afternoon or at night, and in the evenings and on weekends I work. So I haven't had much free time to worry about eating right or exercising, much less blogging about them. I do intend to do better starting next week. I made a program I can stick to and I'm not giving it up. I am DETERMINED to finish Couch to 5k, even if I have to repeat weeks along the way. I'll talk to you all soon, and don't forget to put your ideas for future blog posts in the comments! :)
Monday, February 20, 2012
Updates
Hey everyone! It's late and I don't have time to say much, but in case you were wondering I did NOT drop off the face of the earth. I try to blog every day, but sometimes this annoying thing called life gets in the way, so I haven't had the chance. :(
My quick update for tonight is that I plan to redo Week 2 of Couch to 5k. I only did it once last week and that's definitely not enough. Since I'm off from school for two days and not willing to take an hour long train ride to Brooklyn for a half hour workout, I'm going to have to do it three days in a row. It stinks, but I'll get through it, and it'll give me the push I need to workout more consistently and fuel my body with the right things. More posts are coming throughout the week -- there is SO much I want to write about other than my own health and fitness -- what I think of the fashion industry's take on weight, my thoughts on the fat acceptance movement, my issues with binge eating, how my grandfather's death has affected my eating habits...the list goes on an on.
Is there anything in particular YOU would like to see me post about? Tell me in the comments, and it'll probably end up being a future post. :) I'm still very new to blogging, and open to any ideas/suggestions fellow bloggers have to offer.
My quick update for tonight is that I plan to redo Week 2 of Couch to 5k. I only did it once last week and that's definitely not enough. Since I'm off from school for two days and not willing to take an hour long train ride to Brooklyn for a half hour workout, I'm going to have to do it three days in a row. It stinks, but I'll get through it, and it'll give me the push I need to workout more consistently and fuel my body with the right things. More posts are coming throughout the week -- there is SO much I want to write about other than my own health and fitness -- what I think of the fashion industry's take on weight, my thoughts on the fat acceptance movement, my issues with binge eating, how my grandfather's death has affected my eating habits...the list goes on an on.
Is there anything in particular YOU would like to see me post about? Tell me in the comments, and it'll probably end up being a future post. :) I'm still very new to blogging, and open to any ideas/suggestions fellow bloggers have to offer.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Tummy Troubles and a New Relationship With Food
Happy hump day, everyone! I hope the rest of the week goes by fast for you.
I've been having weird stomach issues the past few days. I get nauseous randomly and for no reason at all. Before you get excited, there's no way I'm pregnant, lol. I hope I don't have a stomach virus. I wanted to run today, but I'm scared I'll make it worse if I do, so I think I'll let this be a rest day and workout tomorrow, or just do some strength training later since that won't be quite so hard on my body.
In other news, I made great progress with my food last night. You all know that yesterday was Valentine's Day, and since I've been in a long distance relationship for years now (long story, will explain later if you like), I usually spend it alone. I was stressed out, lonely, and depressed. It was the PERFECT night to binge. I had worked out, so I had a few extra calories to play with, and there was a big heart shaped box of candy in the fridge with my name on it.
And then something amazing happened. I did eat my chocolate, and enjoyed it thoroughly. BUT, my body told me when to stop, and I LISTENED. This is the dividing line that separated this incident from a usual binge. Normally, I start to feel full, but the thought gets shoved to the back of my mind, and my mouth continues to mindlessly consume whatever I'm binging on -- chips or small pieces of chocolate are the usual culprits. This time, I really, truly felt full, and felt my stomach saying, "I'm done, you can stop now." And I did stop. Don't get me wrong, I still had a lot of pieces -- 7 to be exact -- but the point is when my stomach hit that FULL point, I was really, truly done, and didn't feel the need to keep eating until I made myself sick.
I know my relationship with food needs to change. I know that I probably suffer from undiagnosed depression. I know that I need to find a way to deal with my emotional issues that doesn't involve turning to food or lashing out at others. HOW I'm going to do all that remains to be seen, but not binging for an entire week is definitely a step in the right direction.
I've been having weird stomach issues the past few days. I get nauseous randomly and for no reason at all. Before you get excited, there's no way I'm pregnant, lol. I hope I don't have a stomach virus. I wanted to run today, but I'm scared I'll make it worse if I do, so I think I'll let this be a rest day and workout tomorrow, or just do some strength training later since that won't be quite so hard on my body.
In other news, I made great progress with my food last night. You all know that yesterday was Valentine's Day, and since I've been in a long distance relationship for years now (long story, will explain later if you like), I usually spend it alone. I was stressed out, lonely, and depressed. It was the PERFECT night to binge. I had worked out, so I had a few extra calories to play with, and there was a big heart shaped box of candy in the fridge with my name on it.
And then something amazing happened. I did eat my chocolate, and enjoyed it thoroughly. BUT, my body told me when to stop, and I LISTENED. This is the dividing line that separated this incident from a usual binge. Normally, I start to feel full, but the thought gets shoved to the back of my mind, and my mouth continues to mindlessly consume whatever I'm binging on -- chips or small pieces of chocolate are the usual culprits. This time, I really, truly felt full, and felt my stomach saying, "I'm done, you can stop now." And I did stop. Don't get me wrong, I still had a lot of pieces -- 7 to be exact -- but the point is when my stomach hit that FULL point, I was really, truly done, and didn't feel the need to keep eating until I made myself sick.
I know my relationship with food needs to change. I know that I probably suffer from undiagnosed depression. I know that I need to find a way to deal with my emotional issues that doesn't involve turning to food or lashing out at others. HOW I'm going to do all that remains to be seen, but not binging for an entire week is definitely a step in the right direction.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Couch to 5k Week 2, Day 1
First off, Happy Valentine's Day to all of you!!! Whether you're single, dating, or married, take this time to show some love and appreciation for ALL the people in your life that you love and who love you. :)
I didn't get to start Week 2 of the Couch to 5k yesterday, so I did it today instead. The running intervals are a little bit longer this time -- I run for a minute and thirty seconds, then walk two minutes. The first minute is pretty easy, but those extra 30 seconds are very hard. I'm slowly increasing my speed so that it's a real jog bordering on a run, instead of really fast walking.
The fastest I can go and make it through the intervals is 5 mph. Hopefully that will improve with time. I also got a bit nauseous during the last run -- probably shouldn't have worked out on a full stomach. :( But other than that I felt fine, and I felt like I really pushed myself. Week 2 is a good placeholder for exactly where I'm at with my running. Right now this level is the most I can do without feeling like I'm going to die. That means Week 3 is going to be a challenge, and that's when I'm really going to need to start pushing beyond my comfort zone. For now I'll just enjoy my last week of (relatively) easy workouts. I might not strength train this week, with my schedule is too much of a pain in the butt to get up at 5 in the morning to do the video, but we'll see. I know I'll have to work in some weights during these 9 weeks -- I want to keep the little bit of muscle tone that I've gained in the past month, and eventually get back to the AWESOME arms I had the last time I lost weight.
Goals for today:
Water
More fruits and veggies
Remind my friends and family how much I love them. <3
I didn't get to start Week 2 of the Couch to 5k yesterday, so I did it today instead. The running intervals are a little bit longer this time -- I run for a minute and thirty seconds, then walk two minutes. The first minute is pretty easy, but those extra 30 seconds are very hard. I'm slowly increasing my speed so that it's a real jog bordering on a run, instead of really fast walking.
The fastest I can go and make it through the intervals is 5 mph. Hopefully that will improve with time. I also got a bit nauseous during the last run -- probably shouldn't have worked out on a full stomach. :( But other than that I felt fine, and I felt like I really pushed myself. Week 2 is a good placeholder for exactly where I'm at with my running. Right now this level is the most I can do without feeling like I'm going to die. That means Week 3 is going to be a challenge, and that's when I'm really going to need to start pushing beyond my comfort zone. For now I'll just enjoy my last week of (relatively) easy workouts. I might not strength train this week, with my schedule is too much of a pain in the butt to get up at 5 in the morning to do the video, but we'll see. I know I'll have to work in some weights during these 9 weeks -- I want to keep the little bit of muscle tone that I've gained in the past month, and eventually get back to the AWESOME arms I had the last time I lost weight.
Goals for today:
Water
More fruits and veggies
Remind my friends and family how much I love them. <3
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